25 October 2010


So Sunday, the pastor of our church had a sermon on waiting.  While I normally can take something out of every sermon (ok, most..), it's kind of rare that I feel I can really relate to the topic.

He began with Genesis 41, where Joseph is called upon in the pharaoh's court to interpret dreams.  V. 1a says "When two full years had passed.."  Two.  Full.  Years.  Ouch.  The background on this is about how Joseph had interpreted dreams for two of his fellow prisoners, and upon release, the kings cupbearer had promised to mention Joseph to Pharaoh so that Joseph might be released.  That was two years ago.  And Joseph still hadn't heard anything, and likely, had given up hope.

The pastor posed the question to us, the congregation: what are you waiting for?  How long have you been waiting?

I really don't have the greatest amount of patience in the world.  I mean, I have some..but when it comes to something I really want, the patience is pretty much gone and unheard of.  You can ask Jesse and my family about this..it's true.  But really, the things I want pale in comparison to being released from prison: and prisons back then were beyond worse than they are today.

Pastor continued by discussing the period of waiting, and how we should examine that time to look for lessons God might be trying to teach us along the way.  Additionally, it doesn't matter when we want things to happen..it's all about God's timing, which will always be when it will bring the most glory and honor to God.

I mean, I guess- and know from some experience- that the waiting can be hard.  But in the end, it will be worth it.  It will bring glory to God, and work out in the best possible way..even better than you had ever imagined.  Even when (maybe) two years have gone by, God still has your best interest at heart and knows what will be best.

12 August 2010

I finally decided that since I haven't written on this blog in several months it was high time to do so. Not that I have anything super important to say, but since it's my blog, I will say it anyway.

It's really been bothering me this summer how much people complain when they have been blessed with so much. I am 100% as guilty as the next guy, don't get me wrong, but I have really been working on this because it has been driving me up the wall. Jesse and I complain and make fun of the house we live in (because really..if you heard about our winter, you will understand why we do..) but then as soon as we are done I always try and be positive and say "but I really feel fortunate that we HAVE a place to live." Which is definitely true. As annoying as it is to have paid over $300 some months for gas to heat our small house, and to still feel/see snow coming through the windows after I've put plastic over them..and to lose feeling in my feet when walking around in the kitchen too long with no slippers on, we have a place to live. Which is more than a lot of people can say right now. We have the money to pay our bills and pay them on time..so why do we complain?

Why do people complain in general? Is it so other people will feel sorry for them and say "oh yes, your life is so much worse then mine is" and so the complainer will be the center of attention? I love where I work and the people I work with..but one day as I was working, I got to listen to one of my supervisors complain for the majority of my shift about how rough things were for her right then. She was on the phone most of the time and every person she talked to got the same speech: my husband is in this hospital, so and so is in this other hospital and this other relative is in this third hospital; I have a migraine; I have so much work to get done and all I want to do is go home; I have it the worst for real (an actual phrase she said). Okay..if you're THAT busy, HANG UP THE PHONE AND GET STUFF DONE!? And I'm sorry your husband and family are in the hospital..but they're alive right?

I know it's hard sometimes to see the silver lining. Sometimes it seems the lining is seriously black and there is nothing positive to be seen for miles and years. Truth is..even when it is dark and bleak, there is still that lining. You are alive, you have your health..you're not living on the street. And honestly, if you're reading this, you have enough money for a computer, right? You're not having to pawn off your possessions to make ends meet. I've been working on this line of thinking this summer, and I think/hope I'm doing better. Yes, I may go through some rough times, but God is still by my side blessing me abundantly. And I'm sure He is right next to you too, regardless of what you're going through. That should be enough to make you smile and realize, hey, I don't have it that bad I guess..

26 April 2010

God provides

God provides: a concept that we, as Christians, all know and try so hard to grasp and accept in our lives. During the high points in our life, it's so easy to point to God as the source of the goodness..but what about in the lower points? When your faith is really being tested, is it as easy to say that you trust God and know He is going to take care of you in His timing? Even if everything seems to be going well and you feel you're at a "high point" in your life, there are still the bumps along the way that test your faith in Him.

Right now, I would consider myself at a higher point in my life. It seems so many exciting things are happening and everything (for the most part) is going well. But of course, there is the Debbie Downer of money. And I hate money I have decided. With all Jesse and my trips we've been taking, our budget has been thrown completely out of whack and we've over spent in some areas and other areas (like groceries? oops) have gone neglected to try and compensate for the over spending. But, now that we're sticking around home for awhile, we're really focusing on getting back on track and having extra money at the end of the month to go towards a down payment for a house. All this to say, we're trying to be really strict with our money and only spend what we have allotted ourselves in the budget. This morning, I realized we had to pay the water bill. No big deal, I knew there was money in the bank account, so I went ahead and paid it, but when I looked at our budget, what I saw was that we put in $8 less each month then was needed to cover the total amount. I was kind of crushed because I had no idea where the extra $8 was going to come from (Don't worry, we really have enough money to cover our bills, it's just a matter of staying within some strict boundaries of a budget). So I looked in the water bill portion of the budget and there was the EXACT amount in there that we needed. The entire amount. Obviously, last month had been a little cheaper and we hadn't used the whole amount so we had some rollover, but still. The whole amount was there.

What do you do in those situations? I realized quickly that we had been billed less last month then was normal so we had a little extra, but does that mean I can just write it off as a coincidence? Probably.. and I'm sure a lot of people do. But this morning, I realized it was God taking care of us and thanked Him for His faithfulness.

I was blown away. And I'm sure this post is rambling and out of order and may not make sense, so I'm not going to proof read it. Just bear with me. The moral of the story is, God provides, even in the smallest ways we can see it and feel that He is watching out for us. The end.

06 April 2010


Timing is sure a funny thing. Some people just always seem to get it right and those are the people I envy. Occasionally I feel that my timing is just spot on and things fall exactly into place as God opens and closes doors to show me to where to go. Other times, I feel that it doesn't matter what in the world I do, my timing is just off.

Today, my timing was off. Literally. But it's all okay.
I had a job interview and for whatever reason, I thought it was at 1130, not 11. So obviously at 1106 when I decided to double check in my planner with who I was meeting, I had an extreme panic attack since I was obviously already late. I called the lady, explained the situation and got on the road.

What is it about timing? How come some days all the pieces just seem to fall perfectly into place and you feel like you barely have to do anything but float through life? I kind of felt like that with the two jobs I had in AZ..the first one, we were driving by a strip mall on the way to do some hiking and I saw a sign that said "now hiring" for a restaurant that was opening soon. On the way back from the hike, we stopped in so I could apply. Had an impromptu interview (yes, in sweaty hiking clothes..I leave good first impressions) and off we went. A day or so later I got a call back for a second interview and I was hired. That was sure easy..the other job, just as easy. I was working at the first job and some of the regulars came through the line so I asked what they did. Turns out, they worked at the gym right down the street from my house and the one who worked in the child center was looking for some one to hire. Done and done.

But you know what? Timing isn't really in our hands. Sure, we can control when we wake up in the morning and when you actually leave for an interview so you aren't late. However, the end result isn't in our hands. I was texting my sister and we discussed that it doesn't matter if I showed up on time today or not, I either was going to get the job or not: it was in God's hands. If I wasn't meant to get it, I wouldn't have gotten it even if I did show up on time.

The moral of the story is this: it's not in your hands. You could have the best timing in the world and still not get the job, or win the game or do something else really big. You could also have horrible timing and still win. The point is, it's not all up to you, so don't stress. Leave the timing to someone who has always had it right.

And by the way, I still think the interview went super well and I'm pretty sure she loved me. We'll see I guess..

22 March 2010

I'm sure by now, everyone who possibly reads this blog has heard about the health care bill being passed. I am certainly not going to get into my thoughts and feelings on this, except to state my stance: hate it and so frustrated that it passed through the government.

This is not a political blog, and I certainly don't know enough about politics to go into details, nor do I want to. The only reason I bring this up is because of a conversation Jesse and I had this morning.

We were discussing how frustrated we were that it passed and out of the blue he changed the topic and said "wow, I'm at peace." ...? He was reading a thread posted on a forum he follows online and at the bottom with the signature, the poster had the Bible verse Psalm 37:8a, which states: "Do not fret because of evil men.."

Wow. Not saying anyone is evil, that's just the translation, but what an appropriate time to stumble on that verse. Jesse is a worrier by nature, so for him to find this verse at that time floored him.

Things of this world don't matter. Evil/sin is going to happen; it is our job to hate the sin, love the sinner, and pray for those who do bad. We don't have to like what's going on, but it will pass along with everything else. When we become concerned with things of this world, we need to "not fret" and look towards Heaven and the end goal..where we win for all of eternity.

12 March 2010


Are you a dreamer? Not dreamer in the sense of the word like dreaming about the future and thinking up wonderful adventures for your life. Dreaming as in when you sleep. Obviously, science is now claiming that everyone dreams every night, and fine, whatever, that's fine and dandy, but I rarely remember said dreams.

On the occasions that I remember my dreams when I wake up, people I know have always been present, and they aren't really dreams where we go and are running away from zombies or anything. When I was minoring in psychology, I spent some time studying Freud. For the most part, I think he's full of nonsense..but there probably is some truth in the things he says. Freud was a big believer in the meaning of dreams: every dream had a meaning. So on the morning that I wake up remembering a dream, I always wonder what Freud would have said about it, normally making me laugh. However, I have had some pretty disturbing dreams..not horror quality, but more dreams about people I care about or have cared about in the past. Having one last night, I woke up pretty uneasy..what am I supposed to do with that?

The end result when I remember my dreams is that I pray for the people in them. Even if my friends look different then real life, in my dreams I know that is who they are, and there is a reason that they were in my unconsciousness. Even if I don't know what's going on in their lives..

This post really doesn't have a conclusion..I just had an unsettling dream last night and needed to write some thoughts about it.

05 March 2010


It amazes me how the weather can affect your mood. Minoring in psychology helped teach me some of the hows and whys, but it still continues to amaze me. Individuals who suffer from seasonal depression can tell you that during the long, cloudy and cold winters, sitting in well-lit rooms, going to a tanning bed or just sitting in front of a heat lamp will help boost their mood. Even for those who do not suffer from this depression, it's a general rule of thumb that people are more dreary and/or down if it's overcast and rainy and more upbeat and positive if the sun is shining. Yes, exceptions to every rule, there are people who love the rain and clouds and are like moles who detest the sun. But I said general, not always so I'm safe ;)

Why do such things help dictate our moods? Yesterday, the sun was shining for what seemed the first time in eons in WV. I woke up in a great mood and was sure that it would just be a great day. As the day went on, I got frustrated with one thing or another, one of which was the dog, and finally before I knew it, I was grumpy and in a horrible mood. But the sun was shining!! What's going on?

I detest being in bad moods. Especially when I am just being grumpy for no reason. Really, it seems to be a complete waste of time and incredibly selfish, both of which I detest. When I went to pick up Jesse from work, he got in the car and I gave him my warning: I'm in a bad mood. Sorry. After feeling out the situation and the severity of my bad mood, he decided to throw caution to the wind and announce that I should get over it because I was with him now. It worked, as cheesy as it sounds.

Today? The sun was shining again. I made the official decision to get over myself and move on and have a fabulous day, which I am so far. Zeke and I went for a nice walk in the sunshine and it was marvelous, even if it was a bit chilly still.

What is dictating making your day great or not?

02 March 2010

faith, trust and pixie dust.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

I've been thinking about faith all day. It randomly came to me in the left over portions of a dream this morning, which was kind of weird but I rolled with it. I have no idea what this dream was about at all, but I woke up out of it to go to the bathroom and as I stumbled towards the correct room I heard my friend saying "all it takes is faith..just as much as a mustard seed." At 5:30am this floored me. So profound! My thought was something equally profound of "well yah! Of course!" followed by "what is faith?" which wasn't something I wanted to really be thinking about so early when I still had another hour at least of sleep.

The Faith chapter of Hebrews is one of my favorites: I just love it. You can go through that chapter and single out individual Biblical heroes and see how awesome they are because they trusted God, completely and wholly.
By Faith..Noah built an ark.
By Faith..Abraham left everything AND procreated well past his prime.
By Faith..Abraham offered his only son

How would my name fit in there? "By Faith, Amber.." I feel that through some specific moments in my life, I have taken the step of faith and followed God even though I had no idea what was going on. But these are not daily moments. I play it safe most times, as I'm sure most people do. What if everyone just started trusting God more? Putting 100% of their faith in Him? It doesn't take much..just the faith the size of a mustard seed.

That's really not much..But according to the Bible, that's all it takes.

Faith is hard. Not just the general and lazy "oh sure, I trust God to take care of me" but the real stuff..the faith it takes to step out on a limb and do something that seems ridiculous. Noah built a boat..when he lived in a desert. They didn't know what a flood was, but God said "do it" and Noah did. Am I that willing?

28 February 2010

snow..and lots of it.

I am almost 100% sure that the part of WV we live in has gotten at least 30 feet of snow this winter. Ok, fine, probably not that much but we really have gotten a lot, though I know other areas like PA and farther north have gotten record winters with snow accumulation. With all the snow that I've had the opportunity to look at this winter, I started thinking how much something so minor and little can change the landscape and roads.

During the fall, I looked out over the hills and mountains and just saw bare trees covering a hillside. You could actually see the hillside for once, and see the terrain. Now, after a bazillion inches of snow, it's beautiful. The trees are covered in the white snow, the ground is covered..and sometimes most importantly, the roads change and become icy and dangerous to travel at times! But all this change by simple snow..Frozen water (basically).

What simple things have you done in your life that have led you to where you are now? What minor changes and perhaps, at the time, seemingly insignificant decisions did you make that have affected (effected? Can't keep these two straight..) where you are now? One of the biggest examples I can think of is my senior year of high school when I was trying to decide my next step. I was just about determined that I was going to go into the military. Turns out, I'm medically ineligible with an inherited thyroid problem. But everything happens for a reason, and this is one of those instances I firmly believe this. What would have happened if I HAD gone into the military? I wouldn't have gone to Mount Vernon and played soccer..where I met some of my best friends AND my husband. I wouldn't have gotten married, probably at all, and definitely wouldn't be expecting a baby in September. All because of one small decision, albeit forced in this case. But still..

I don't think that God is necessarily concerned with what you eat for lunch everyday, but I do believe that He is concerned with you and your life. My decision to go into the military was backed with lots of prayer by lots of people and God shut that door, simultaneously opening another for me which led me to where I am. All the major steps along the way have been prayed over (some more then others) and here I am now. I believe in the power of prayer..and I believe big decisions should be prayed over. Big life events happen with little changes, possibly what seem as insignificant as a half inch of snow. But even with such a small amount of snow, the roads can be covered and icy. Small changes can have a bigger impact then you think..keep in prayer.

22 February 2010


If you turn on the tv, 9 times outta 10 you're going to see some "lose weight fast" plan that works wonders-- the actors they hired say so themselves! But do these supplements and pills really work and do the job of what eating right and exercising will do? Can a pill really replace good, old fashioned diet and exercise? They now have tv shows like The Biggest Loser which help people lose weight. Great! I'm all for that. But what happens after the show? I saw an interview of one guy who won. We saw the "before" and "after" the show pictures and he had really done it! He looked great. However, what happened 6 months later? He had put a good chunk of weight back on. Why is that? During the show, he was disciplined. After? He slacked off, skipping the daily exercising routines he had developed and the healthy eating.
Losing weight is just one example of one's life where disicpline is needed. No one can just wake up in the morning and say "I'm going to lose 50 lbs today" and actually do it. What is needed is a plan and discipline to follow through. Another example, me trying to train for this stupid half-marathon. I can't just wake up on race day and say "I'll right, let's go run 13.1 miles!" No, I have to train for it. I have to put in the time, energy and discipline run. There are days Jesse has told me to get up and go, he wasn't letting me skip. Everyone needs a cheerleader/coach when trying to do something that will require time and effort.
What if we put as much disicpline into our spritiual life? What if we worked as hard and stayed on task as diligently? I know many people who do, but I- along with many, many others- are not disciplined in this area. And why not? Same reason as every other person who has never succeeded in a diet or in a multitude of other areas. Those reasons obviously vary from person to person, but the bottom line is the same: other things get in the way. I'm as guilty as the next person..But why? It's a challenge to try and figure out what is more important that is keeping me from doing something I know I should..

04 February 2010

and away we go

Since WV is apparently going to be getting a wonderful snow storm this weekend, I didn't want to chance not getting in my long run in this week so instead of waiting until Sunday I ran the 5 miles tonight.
Something I should explain about the way that I run: I have all sorts of mental walls I have to get past in order to run long distances. I get very bored when I'm running and have to constantly talk myself into running and not stopping. For example, tonight I needed to run the 5 miles but really just felt like running 4.5, figuring if I walked the last half mile that'd be good enough. Not the case, I was able to push through but it was not easy. I realize it's only a half mile, but still.
Also, something to note, the Y is positioned on a hill with the treadmills and bicycles having this wonderfully large bay window to look out of. Down the hill is the interstate and another mountain on the other side. Since running on a treadmill is so boring for me, I listen to my iPod and look out the window and daydream, think or watch the cars drive by. Today, for the first 2 miles, I decided to count the number of red cars that drove by, but I lost interest after 200. So then my mind began to wander about how difficult it is for me to run sometimes which led me to one of my favourite Bible verses, Hebrews 12:1
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."
Running is a struggle for me sometimes. But so is living with and/or in sin. While sin is easier to deal with upfront (and sometimes more enjoyable) it makes life a lot harder in the long run. In Hebrews, Paul (I think?) is saying that we have a support team, and with that support team we can strip off the extra weight that is holding us down and run free with nothing holding us back, no struggles or sin, just run. Your brothers and sisters, friends and fmaily are your support team. Lean on them and let them help you. Share your struggles and burdens with them and then let go and take off.
Another funny thing about all this..with the Y being situated on top of a steep hill I often wonder what it would feel like to take a running start and leap off away from the top and then just fall. Free falls kind of scare me, but maybe it's something that would be fun. And sorry if this was rambling, I'm very tired from my run :)

01 February 2010

Warning: this is going to be incredibly random and off-topic from anything else in the world.

So I grew up with cats in the house. My family never had a dog..we really didn't have time for one now that I think about it. There were some soccer seasons in middle school that between the three of us kids, there were 4 different soccer teams to follow for my poor parents. High school didn't improve, as we were playing soccer for a school an hour away.
When living in Arizona, Jesse decided one day he wanted a dog. A what? I was promised a cat, very early on in our dating relationship. A dog is NOT a cat..so I was obviously confused. As he continued to talk about it over the next 2 days, I realized I could get on board with this (let's be honest, all it took was him showing me some puppy pictures and I was sold). Within the span of 3 days, we had gone from not having a dog, to deciding we wanted one and making a spur of the moment trip up to Flagstaff to get a Boxer from a breeder. Needless to say, we're impulsive sometimes. This was in August, and it is now February. I thought that I would share some of the things I've learned in the few months we've had Zeke, both about having a dog in general, and having that dog be a Boxer.

1-- probably the most important and basic of Boxers..they are incredibly gassy and playful. An interesting combo, yes, but it also provides endless entertainment. I'm not going to go deeper into the first, but the second..oh the second. There have been many times people have come up to me and asked how old Zeke is. I respond with the appropriate age and the response is "oh my Boxer is 6 years old and JUST as playful and puppy-like as your dog!" Wonderful. Lots of play left in this guy. Also, he recently met a puppy similar in size but younger. Even though Zeke was about to drop from exhaustion of playing so much, if the other puppy as much as twitched Zeke was up ready to play again.
2-- just because one's husband PROMISES to get up in the night the first few months you have the puppy to help you take him outside, this rarely happens. My maternal instincts kicked in with Zeke. Where before we had a dog I would sleep like a rock and nothing short of a band coming into my bedroom and playing full blast would wake me up, now if the dumb dog so much as whimpers I'm awake and alert. Rats.
3-- house training Zeke was fun **note sarcasm**. Apparently with Boxers, you'll think you're doing really well and then they'll fake you out and have a huge accident inside a few days in a row. Back to square one. Then he does really well going outside then another accident. Quite exciting.
4-- treats make excellent bribes. For example: working on the "come" command. He will "come" to me if I have a treat in my hand. Brilliant. I plan on using this tactic with parenting as well.
5-- I also plan on using "move it or lose it, Buster" in parenting. Zeke knows, and understands what this means. After walking slowly in front of me and then being either kicked down the stairs or walked on, he learned.
6-- I have learned that I'm going to be a WONDERFUL mother. haha
7-- if he does something dumb and hurts him, well. He'll learn. He won't do it again! For example, licking a 9-volt battery. Jesse and I didn't want to lick it ourselves to test if it still worked (because yes, that is how we test batteries), so we called Zeke over and let him lick it haha he doesn't like them anymore.
8-- the same with Tabasco sauce. Dog is not a fan.
9-- just when you're about to throw in the towel with the dog, he goes and falls asleep on your lap and is so precious that he is completely redeemed.
10-- I'm learning how similar raising a child is to having a puppy. My mom was concerned when she heard me yelling at Zeke one day that I would also yell at my children. I explained to her it would be quite different. Zeke doesn't understand time-out, and therefore has to be put in his place to understand he is NOT in charge. Children understand time-out fortunately and I plan on using this to my advantage.
11-- shock collars are awesome. But if you're going to use one, you should try it out on yourself first, just so people don't think you're being horribly cruel to your pet. You can always come back with, "well I tried it myself."

I've learned so many other things and I'm still learning. Zeke has taught me patience, that is a definite thing. He has also taught me to love differently and to be more understanding. It's been an adventure that's for sure, but I often remind Jesse when he refers to Zeke as "your dog" that "MY" dog still hasn't arrived in the form of a cat yet, so this is "HIS" dog. He never has a comeback, therefore I win.

25 January 2010

trust is hard apparently.

Going back to my one word challenge..
Learning to trust can be so frustrating! I've been working on it this week, trying to keep it in my mind and not get all worked up over things but it's not going as easily as I had planned to be honest. For example, just a little bit ago, Jesse and I were re-working our budget: the all-encompassing organizer and dictator of our lives. I love having such a strict budget and I hate it at the same time, but that's a side note and not relevant.
So we're working on this budget and I am watching all of the money we have in the bank get split into categories of bills, misc. odds and ends and our jackpot, "downpayments." Any leftover money at the end of the month goes in this wonderful little section, dedicated towards a *much needed* newly used car and then eventually a house. The huge number I was hoping we'd be able to put in there kept getting smaller and smaller which is obviously depressing. Fortunately, Jesse is incredibly patient with me and explained that not all was lost and we actually would have a lot more in there next week (delayed gratification needs to be my two words of a couple months at some point..).
Trusting Jesse is easy. He tells me something, I can tell if he's lying (he smiles when he lies) and I know he does his research before he tells me something so he'll have information to back it up with. Why is trusting God so much harder? He's promised to take care of us. Even in little things that I brush aside as "oh, He is MUCH too busy to care about this," He does care. He is vey concerned with every aspect of our lives. So I want/need (not sure which it is yet) a new car. He cares. I need to work on trusting Him that it will happen in His timing (ugh, back to timing and patience again).

21 January 2010

one word challenge.

I drive Jesse to work every morning. We have two cars, but it's nice to be able to spend the 10 minute drive to work with him. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we're quiet; normally we have the radio on to AirOne or some random country station, but this morning it was turned way down and we rode pretty quietly. However, after I dropped him off I decided I wanted to listen to some music. Before I'm really awake for the day, radio dj's tend to annoy me. They're so perky and chipper, just play your music and stop talking. But this morning, something caught my attention that they were talking about.
A pastor was talking about a challenge he presented to his church: pick a goal, something you want to change or do in your life, sum it up with one word and find a Bible verse to back it up. For example, the pastor picked the word "finish" and used James 1:4 to back it up-- "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
It got me thinking..with all that has been on my mind, what would I pick as my one word? I decided on "trust" for at least right now. I think God has been showing me not only patience, but how to learn to trust in Him and His timing for things..when I take matters into my own hands, they will fall apart. I need to learn to trust God- to let go and let Him work.
The verse I picked is one of my favourites: Isaiah 40:31-- "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." (NLT)
Regardless of what you're going through, whether it's something incredibly difficult or just marginally annoying, placing your trust in God is the right first step that is occasionally difficult to take. He will provide you the strength and willpower to go on.
We'll see how using this verse as my motto goes. Trusting can be hard, but it will be worth it.

13 January 2010


God's timing is perfect. There is no other or better way to make that statement because it is 100% true and fool-proof. Even though we, the human race, seem to think that we know and understand what's going on, we don't have a clue half the time. Over and over in my life I have seen first hand that my opening sentence is true. If only I could remember it all the time and not try and make things happen on my own.
Waiting on God and trusting Him to do what is in His will in His time is hard, but no one ever really said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it. In the past few years, those closest to me have probably heard me say a countless number of times one or all of the following: that's not fair, when will I have my turn?, how come their life/lives seem so easy? However, looking back, I have become a better and stronger person for not taking, in my opinion, was the easy road. Whenever everything seemed to be going just perfect for a friend or acquaintance, it just didn't seem fair. When would my road level out and be easier to walk? Why does it feel like I'm running uphill over boulders?
The truth and answer is simple: God was teaching me something. And since I am a slow learner and need to have the information presented to me multiple times apparently, only after the fact could I see this. How annoying.
God's perfect plan and His perfect timing will make sense when He decides it will make sense. Everything is going to come together for me, in my opinion, when He knows the time is right. Right now, I'm learning patience. I guess I should say "still" since it seems to be a never-ending battle for me. I need to be patient and wait for His timing and not try and force my own agenda on my life. Instead of being jealous or upset about all the "things" that others are getting and where they seem to be going in their life, I need to be thankful for the things I have, wish them luck or congratulate them and pray for the opportunities to present themselves when God decides. Clearly not an easy thing to do.

07 January 2010

growing up is lame.

I mean really. It is. Remember when you were a kid and the biggest decision you had to make was whether you wanted pb & j or mac 'n' cheese (hypothetically because I didn't like mac 'n' cheese growing up). Or maybe even something a little tougher: do I want to play "Sorry" or "Guess Who?" Now what kind of big decisions do you have to make? Chances are, if you're in college, have graduated from college or are above the age of 18 at all you have made some sort of life-altering decision, whether you realize it or not. Which college do I want to go to, what do I want to do with the rest of my life, etc. And unfortunately, the decisions and life experiences just keep getting hammered down your throat. Let's be honest, when I was thrown out into the "real world" I didn't have a clue what to do or how to handle myself. Jesse had to basically hold my hand and show me how to surrive until one day he said "it's ok, just ask questions, you'll figure it out" and sent me to talk to the insurance people all by myself. Yikes. And today, I ordered us some new checks. Small and irrelevant to big life plans? Yes. But I did it, all by myself. And as Jesse would half teasing/half seriously say, "aw you're such a big girl, Amber. I'm so proud you put on the big girl pants today." Such a sweet guy..
I guess the reason I'm thinking about this is because I feel at a sort of cross-roads in my life. I know, I'm only 22, it's definitely no mid-life crisis. But it's true, that's where I feel I am. I graduated from college in September and then began packing my life in boxes to move. Finding a career wasn't high on the list of things to do at the time: taking care of a husband, dog and unpacking took priority. Now the house is unpacked, the dog is asleep, and I have nothing to do but blog and drink coffee. Ok, I do other things too, but the point is, where do I go from here?
The cross-roads I'm talking about have to do with big life decisions that I can't make alone. That's part of the joy of being married, you get to make the big decisions in life with a buddy. From here, do I pursue some sort of career? The logical answer? Yes. The benefits are all over the place in bright neon signs: all the $$ I make can right on the down payment for a house or to pay off student loans. But is that really what I want to do?
Having responsibilities and adult-things to worry about and take care of will get easier, or so I hear. I guess I'll have to wait and see...fortunately for me I have a great guy by my side, a fabulous family and friend support system and a God who cares and listens to me when I rant and rave about "my" life plans..you know. The ones He already has figured out for me and will show me in His time. For the record, and possibly a later post, I do believe that He is teaching my patience...hoo.ray.

06 January 2010

new year full of new things..

Well. We are officially 6 days into the new year-- 2010 is here. Everyone around the world welcomed the new year, the new decade, in through some means. I know several people who said "adios" to 2009 and went to bed by 10p, whereas I welcomed the New Year with lots of yelling, some sparkly for kicks and toasting, surrounded by family.

Bringing in a round of 365 days has a way of making people reflect on their past year of existence. Not only is it a time of reflection on the past, but a time to reflect upon future desires, wishes and goals that one has for his or her life; a time for resolutions for many. The challenge lays before everyone as the clock hits midnight around the world: what will I resolve to do for the next 365 days? Many boldly declare to lose weight or join a gym. In fact, you can go check out your local gym now and chances are, it's packed. Give it 3 months, the parking lot will be back to normal.

What is it about resolving to make a change that is so hard, especially when it's for the better? You see the end goal-- your clothes fitting better, being in better shape and health-- but somehow, you don't want to get out of your sweatpants and leave your easy chair for the healthier lifestyle.

Change isn't easy. Leaving old ways behind or taking on something is hard. I know I talk about it a lot, but moving across the country and uprooting from one lifestyle to a new one isn't easy. That sort of change takes some getting used to and a couple of stubborn people to try and make it work. However, when you finally get to where your going..when you've finally learned that little lesson you set out to learn..you're a better person.

This year, resolve to do better. Take the challenges you are faced with head on, knowing that you will learn and grow from your experiences. I don't know what this year holds for me, but I'm excited to find out.