25 January 2010

trust is hard apparently.

Going back to my one word challenge..
Learning to trust can be so frustrating! I've been working on it this week, trying to keep it in my mind and not get all worked up over things but it's not going as easily as I had planned to be honest. For example, just a little bit ago, Jesse and I were re-working our budget: the all-encompassing organizer and dictator of our lives. I love having such a strict budget and I hate it at the same time, but that's a side note and not relevant.
So we're working on this budget and I am watching all of the money we have in the bank get split into categories of bills, misc. odds and ends and our jackpot, "downpayments." Any leftover money at the end of the month goes in this wonderful little section, dedicated towards a *much needed* newly used car and then eventually a house. The huge number I was hoping we'd be able to put in there kept getting smaller and smaller which is obviously depressing. Fortunately, Jesse is incredibly patient with me and explained that not all was lost and we actually would have a lot more in there next week (delayed gratification needs to be my two words of a couple months at some point..).
Trusting Jesse is easy. He tells me something, I can tell if he's lying (he smiles when he lies) and I know he does his research before he tells me something so he'll have information to back it up with. Why is trusting God so much harder? He's promised to take care of us. Even in little things that I brush aside as "oh, He is MUCH too busy to care about this," He does care. He is vey concerned with every aspect of our lives. So I want/need (not sure which it is yet) a new car. He cares. I need to work on trusting Him that it will happen in His timing (ugh, back to timing and patience again).

1 comment:

  1. Don't you love how it always comes down to patience?!?!

    Just like I'm already impatient with trying to get better, even though you said you'd drive 6 hours to come see me and care for me ;)