25 January 2010

trust is hard apparently.

Going back to my one word challenge..
Learning to trust can be so frustrating! I've been working on it this week, trying to keep it in my mind and not get all worked up over things but it's not going as easily as I had planned to be honest. For example, just a little bit ago, Jesse and I were re-working our budget: the all-encompassing organizer and dictator of our lives. I love having such a strict budget and I hate it at the same time, but that's a side note and not relevant.
So we're working on this budget and I am watching all of the money we have in the bank get split into categories of bills, misc. odds and ends and our jackpot, "downpayments." Any leftover money at the end of the month goes in this wonderful little section, dedicated towards a *much needed* newly used car and then eventually a house. The huge number I was hoping we'd be able to put in there kept getting smaller and smaller which is obviously depressing. Fortunately, Jesse is incredibly patient with me and explained that not all was lost and we actually would have a lot more in there next week (delayed gratification needs to be my two words of a couple months at some point..).
Trusting Jesse is easy. He tells me something, I can tell if he's lying (he smiles when he lies) and I know he does his research before he tells me something so he'll have information to back it up with. Why is trusting God so much harder? He's promised to take care of us. Even in little things that I brush aside as "oh, He is MUCH too busy to care about this," He does care. He is vey concerned with every aspect of our lives. So I want/need (not sure which it is yet) a new car. He cares. I need to work on trusting Him that it will happen in His timing (ugh, back to timing and patience again).

21 January 2010

one word challenge.

I drive Jesse to work every morning. We have two cars, but it's nice to be able to spend the 10 minute drive to work with him. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we're quiet; normally we have the radio on to AirOne or some random country station, but this morning it was turned way down and we rode pretty quietly. However, after I dropped him off I decided I wanted to listen to some music. Before I'm really awake for the day, radio dj's tend to annoy me. They're so perky and chipper, just play your music and stop talking. But this morning, something caught my attention that they were talking about.
A pastor was talking about a challenge he presented to his church: pick a goal, something you want to change or do in your life, sum it up with one word and find a Bible verse to back it up. For example, the pastor picked the word "finish" and used James 1:4 to back it up-- "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
It got me thinking..with all that has been on my mind, what would I pick as my one word? I decided on "trust" for at least right now. I think God has been showing me not only patience, but how to learn to trust in Him and His timing for things..when I take matters into my own hands, they will fall apart. I need to learn to trust God- to let go and let Him work.
The verse I picked is one of my favourites: Isaiah 40:31-- "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." (NLT)
Regardless of what you're going through, whether it's something incredibly difficult or just marginally annoying, placing your trust in God is the right first step that is occasionally difficult to take. He will provide you the strength and willpower to go on.
We'll see how using this verse as my motto goes. Trusting can be hard, but it will be worth it.

13 January 2010


God's timing is perfect. There is no other or better way to make that statement because it is 100% true and fool-proof. Even though we, the human race, seem to think that we know and understand what's going on, we don't have a clue half the time. Over and over in my life I have seen first hand that my opening sentence is true. If only I could remember it all the time and not try and make things happen on my own.
Waiting on God and trusting Him to do what is in His will in His time is hard, but no one ever really said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it. In the past few years, those closest to me have probably heard me say a countless number of times one or all of the following: that's not fair, when will I have my turn?, how come their life/lives seem so easy? However, looking back, I have become a better and stronger person for not taking, in my opinion, was the easy road. Whenever everything seemed to be going just perfect for a friend or acquaintance, it just didn't seem fair. When would my road level out and be easier to walk? Why does it feel like I'm running uphill over boulders?
The truth and answer is simple: God was teaching me something. And since I am a slow learner and need to have the information presented to me multiple times apparently, only after the fact could I see this. How annoying.
God's perfect plan and His perfect timing will make sense when He decides it will make sense. Everything is going to come together for me, in my opinion, when He knows the time is right. Right now, I'm learning patience. I guess I should say "still" since it seems to be a never-ending battle for me. I need to be patient and wait for His timing and not try and force my own agenda on my life. Instead of being jealous or upset about all the "things" that others are getting and where they seem to be going in their life, I need to be thankful for the things I have, wish them luck or congratulate them and pray for the opportunities to present themselves when God decides. Clearly not an easy thing to do.

07 January 2010

growing up is lame.

I mean really. It is. Remember when you were a kid and the biggest decision you had to make was whether you wanted pb & j or mac 'n' cheese (hypothetically because I didn't like mac 'n' cheese growing up). Or maybe even something a little tougher: do I want to play "Sorry" or "Guess Who?" Now what kind of big decisions do you have to make? Chances are, if you're in college, have graduated from college or are above the age of 18 at all you have made some sort of life-altering decision, whether you realize it or not. Which college do I want to go to, what do I want to do with the rest of my life, etc. And unfortunately, the decisions and life experiences just keep getting hammered down your throat. Let's be honest, when I was thrown out into the "real world" I didn't have a clue what to do or how to handle myself. Jesse had to basically hold my hand and show me how to surrive until one day he said "it's ok, just ask questions, you'll figure it out" and sent me to talk to the insurance people all by myself. Yikes. And today, I ordered us some new checks. Small and irrelevant to big life plans? Yes. But I did it, all by myself. And as Jesse would half teasing/half seriously say, "aw you're such a big girl, Amber. I'm so proud you put on the big girl pants today." Such a sweet guy..
I guess the reason I'm thinking about this is because I feel at a sort of cross-roads in my life. I know, I'm only 22, it's definitely no mid-life crisis. But it's true, that's where I feel I am. I graduated from college in September and then began packing my life in boxes to move. Finding a career wasn't high on the list of things to do at the time: taking care of a husband, dog and unpacking took priority. Now the house is unpacked, the dog is asleep, and I have nothing to do but blog and drink coffee. Ok, I do other things too, but the point is, where do I go from here?
The cross-roads I'm talking about have to do with big life decisions that I can't make alone. That's part of the joy of being married, you get to make the big decisions in life with a buddy. From here, do I pursue some sort of career? The logical answer? Yes. The benefits are all over the place in bright neon signs: all the $$ I make can right on the down payment for a house or to pay off student loans. But is that really what I want to do?
Having responsibilities and adult-things to worry about and take care of will get easier, or so I hear. I guess I'll have to wait and see...fortunately for me I have a great guy by my side, a fabulous family and friend support system and a God who cares and listens to me when I rant and rave about "my" life plans..you know. The ones He already has figured out for me and will show me in His time. For the record, and possibly a later post, I do believe that He is teaching my patience...hoo.ray.

06 January 2010

new year full of new things..

Well. We are officially 6 days into the new year-- 2010 is here. Everyone around the world welcomed the new year, the new decade, in through some means. I know several people who said "adios" to 2009 and went to bed by 10p, whereas I welcomed the New Year with lots of yelling, some sparkly for kicks and toasting, surrounded by family.

Bringing in a round of 365 days has a way of making people reflect on their past year of existence. Not only is it a time of reflection on the past, but a time to reflect upon future desires, wishes and goals that one has for his or her life; a time for resolutions for many. The challenge lays before everyone as the clock hits midnight around the world: what will I resolve to do for the next 365 days? Many boldly declare to lose weight or join a gym. In fact, you can go check out your local gym now and chances are, it's packed. Give it 3 months, the parking lot will be back to normal.

What is it about resolving to make a change that is so hard, especially when it's for the better? You see the end goal-- your clothes fitting better, being in better shape and health-- but somehow, you don't want to get out of your sweatpants and leave your easy chair for the healthier lifestyle.

Change isn't easy. Leaving old ways behind or taking on something is hard. I know I talk about it a lot, but moving across the country and uprooting from one lifestyle to a new one isn't easy. That sort of change takes some getting used to and a couple of stubborn people to try and make it work. However, when you finally get to where your going..when you've finally learned that little lesson you set out to learn..you're a better person.

This year, resolve to do better. Take the challenges you are faced with head on, knowing that you will learn and grow from your experiences. I don't know what this year holds for me, but I'm excited to find out.